For many families, the holidays are a time to gather with family and friends. Over Thanksgiving, my family all met at my sister and brother-in law’s house in Indianapolis. We also had my sister-in-law Karina and brother-in-law Justin visiting from Miami with their two young children, Logan, 7, and Colin, 3, and my mother-in-law. I do look forward to seeing family and getting together with them, especially during the holidays, but sometimes all the commotion and noise can be a little overwhelming.
To help with this, I try to go in with a game plan of what I’m going to do if I start to feel overwhelmed. One thing my sister and brother-in-law did that really helped was reserve the back office as a kind of quiet room in case I needed a break or if one of the kids was upset and needed a few minutes to calm down. Every now and then, when the noise got to be a little too much, I would go in the office and sit on the couch and read and then come out again.
We also went on several outings, including the Carmel German Christmas Market. It was packed when we got there, but I did want to go and at least look around, so I stuffed one of Colin’s toy stress balls in my coat pocket and kept squeezing it and playing with it as we walked. My favorite part was getting the ham and cheese sandwich I ate for dinner – that and looking around at everything.
I think it’s important to allow your guest with autism or developmental disabilities to be a part of the holiday gatherings as much as they are comfortable with. Certainly, I think encouraging social participation is great, but try not to mandate it. I think if the host can possibly provide a quiet space for guests to regroup if needed and understand that guests with autism may need supports, such as a fidget toy or even a break to walk in the hallway to help regulate, these could possibly increase the chances of social participation.
Note: The views expressed in this column are those of the author and are intended for informational purposes only. They do not necessarily reflect the official stance of IRCA and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical, educational, or therapeutic advice.
Nassim, A. (2023). Strategies for a Successful Holiday Gathering With Autism. https://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/articles/strategies-for-successful-holiday-gathering